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  1. School Dinners

From the album Two Ravens

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Phil Drane
Like many young English lads I hated school dinners. I was forced to eat food that made me often gag and occasionally vomit. I still have a total aversion to liver and kidney which seemed to be always on offer. It didn’t matter what was on the menu, the aroma was always the same – “School Dinner Smell” and I still occasionally smell it today, usually in shopping malls.


I remember back in school when I was just a kid
They made the punishment fit the crime for things you did
Half an hour's detention, sometimes six of the best
But the punishment I remember most was worse than the rest. Aye.
Twelve o'clock precisely someone rings the bell
And thirty pairs of legs would start to run like hell
But teachers they're a crafty lot, they blocked our escape
And they forced us all to eat the stuff that we called crepe.

School dinners, flush 'em darn the lavatory
School dinners defy the laws of gravity
Forget your knife and fork, just use a bricklayer's trowel
(spoken) They keep you going regular, you know, and open your bowels.
School dinners guaranteed to make you sick,
School dinners, shepherd's pie and spotted dick
It's cruelty to children cos we can't keep em down,
And what do we hate? School dinners. (whisper YEAH)

Stone cold sausage and anaemic mash
Spot the bits of meat in the potato hash
Heavy duty pastry that drops straight to your feet
No wonder they make us pray before we start to eat
Scraping gooey remnants from your clogged up gums
And when you think it's gone forever, wup it comes
Just when you've solved the problem of the bits that you hate
The teacher finds them hidden underneath your plate

Stew with Suet dumplings that can give you grief
They stick right to your pallet but protect your teeth
Chew, chew chewing like a cow with its cud
Eat up all your greens or else you get no pud.
Squishy prunes and custard for a special treat,
Lots and Lots and lots and lots and lots of lovely prunes to eat,
Lining up the stones around the edge of your bowl,
And flicking 'em up the table trying to score a goal.

© PhilDrane Music 2016